Formal letter (Descriptive letter)

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Subject: Let us get to know each other

Dear Prof. Blackstone,

My name is Chua Jarl, you can address me as Jarl. I am writing this introductory letter so that we can get acquainted. I believe that getting to know each other would be the first step in building a stronger student-teacher relationship and this is crucial in my learning process for this module.

Back when I was a kid I remember taking empty paper toilet rolls in my house and using them to create holders for stationaries, this is when my love for engineering started. Many years later, I brought my passion for engineering over to Temasek Polytechnic, where I graduated with a Diploma in Clean Energy in 2017.

I agree that one of the critical competence that a successful engineer must have is the ability to present their idea. Thus, communication is something that I would want to excel in. To excel would mean to work on my weakness, which is to improve the clarity of my speech. I realised that I tend to mumble when I am not confident in the message I am conveying. This happens often when I am chatting with people.

I believe that I am confident in public speaking. Having spent 4 years in the drama club in secondary school, my confidence in public speaking increased tremendously as I got more comfortable on stage. The reason why I am clear in my speech when I am giving a presentation to a small or large group of people is due to the fact that I am confident with what I am saying. This was made possible with the help of my experience in the drama club.

My goals for this module are to improve my writing skills and to become an eloquent speaker by turning my weakness into my strength.

Yours sincerely,
Chua Jarl
(EDITED)

Comments

  1. Brandon KohJanuary 20, 2020 at 3:40 AM

    Dear Jarl,

    It was a pleasure reading your introduction letter and i really felt that i got to know you better through this letter. I hope you gain new inspiration from my observations on your letter.

    Firstly, regarding content. Your content was adequate and appropriately targeted the demands of the assignment. Having said that, additional details on how you developed your interest in engineering would be excellent. When you talk about your "goals for this module", more information on why you are aiming for these "goals" would definitely help conclude the letter in a more substantial manner.

    Secondly, regarding organisation. The letter was well organized and notable with a fluid and natural flow to it. The relation of different sentences in each paragraph was acceptable and gave no room for doubts.

    Lastly, concerning your language use. There are a few sentences i believe have the capacity for improvement but before mentioning those sentences, i would really like to acknowledge that your first paragraph was an interesting and eye-catching way of starting the letter. At the start of your third paragraph, you wrote "I agree that one of the critical competence that a successful engineer must have is the ability to present their idea." , this sentence sounds unfounded as there is no previous statement for any agreement to be present. In the fourth paragraph, "Having spent 4 years in the drama club in Secondary School, I see my confidence in public speaking increase tremendously as I get more comfortable on stage.", i believe to "see" confidence is not a very appropriate word. A better word to use would be "observed" instead of "see". This sentence should also be written in past tense as it was a past event.

    In conclusion, i felt that your letter was engaging and heartfelt. I sincerely hope that i have helped pointed out some areas for improvement which will help your letter writing skills soar to new heights. I look forward to reading more of your work and also to know more about you in person. Thank you for your time and efforts.

    Best regards,
    Brandon Koh

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. JarlJanuary 26, 2020 at 11:39 PM

      Dear Brandon,

      Thank you so much for the feedback. Will keep improving on my writing thanks to you.

      Yours sincerely,
      Jarl

      Delete
  2. Keith ChuaJanuary 22, 2020 at 2:42 AM

    Dear Jarl,

    Thanks for sharing more about yourself! It was a pleasure reading your introduction letter.

    The content of your letter was sufficient and entertaining, especially in talking about how your passion for engineering was nurtured from something as simple as using toilet paper rolls to "create holders for stationaries". Although i personally feel that elaborating on it would give me a better insight on why you decided on this field of study.

    The flow of your letter was also smooth and natural. There was no abrupt changes between your paragraphs and i like that you started them off with adverbs such as 'firstly', 'lastly' and 'in conclusion'. This allowed me to stay in track with your introduction letter and minimize any room for breaks in the flow.

    As for the language used, there weren't any major issues except for some sentences that I would recommend you to change and some grammatical errors that need to be amend. For example, you used the word 'stationeries' in your second paragraph but there is no plural form for the word 'stationery'. In your third paragraph, you mentioned that "I agree that one of the critical competence that a successful engineer must have is the ability to present their idea." and i felt that the sentence ended too abruptly. The sentence would have had more impact if you added a 'effectively' for example, at the end.

    Overall, I really enjoyed reading your letter and it has definitely given me a better understanding about yourself. I hope that my comments have given you a clearer picture on the things you need to work on as well.

    Best regards,
    Keith Chua

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. JarlJanuary 26, 2020 at 11:41 PM

      Dear Keith,

      Thank you for taking time to write this feedback, really appreciate it.

      Yours sincerely,
      Jarl

      Delete
  3. Brad BlackstoneJanuary 23, 2020 at 11:09 PM

    Dear Jarl,

    Thanks very much for this letter of intro. It's clear, concise and quite complete in the information you provide. I appreciate the detail you provide as you discuss each of the points for the assignment. This is particularly true for the bits about your comm skills weakness and strength. You probably could add more info on how you developed an interest in studying engineering at SIT.

    In terms of language use, this is generally a fluent letter, but there are a few items to take note of:

    1. punctuation, capitalization
    -- To excel, would mean to work.... > (comma ?)
    -- in the drama club in Secondary School > (caps ?)

    2. verb tense
    -- Having spent 4 years in the drama club in Secondary School, I see my confidence in public speaking increase tremendously as I get more comfortable on stage. > (past or present?)

    3. some lack of transitions between shifting ideas

    These are mainly minor issues. I look forward to reading more of your writing this term.

    Cheers,

    Brad

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. JarlJanuary 26, 2020 at 11:24 PM

      Dear Prof. Blackstone,

      Thank you for your timely feedback. I will definitely take note of these minor issues in my future work.

      Yours sincerely,
      Jarl

      Delete

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